Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Inaugural Eating: MATINA - the cubit wrap

by G
in attendance: G, J, guest of honour T

The inaugural spot of lunch was held in Matina Middle Eastern Grill earlier today.  Matina has been open a year and has found massive success in St Nic's market.  It's fairly inconspicuous at the eastern end of the foodie thoroughfare, opposite a carpet/fabric stall selling the most charcoal-and-meat-infused carpets and fabrics you are likely to come across.

I'd say most people become aware of Matina in one of three ways:

  1. they get caught up in the queue that extends into the carpet shop between 12 and 1 p.m. each lunch time, and wonder what the draw to this place is;
  2. they smell the fumes/flavours coming from Matina's street-venting extractor fan: a bathroom-quality fan overwhelmed by the metre-wide grill in the kitchen; or
  3. they see someone walking gleefully running from Matina carrying a foil-lined bag - a bag holding a meat-and-spice-filled wrap approximately a cubit in length.
As you may have guessed, I (G) stumbled across Matina having seen (3) - those miraculous forearm wraps being pushed down the streets by hungry office workers eager to convert them into an afternoon food coma.  But I've also choked on (2) and know how to circumvent (1) - more on that below.

Anyway, Matina is all about the grill - which is covered in spiced lamb and chicken.  There is a menu - which has a number of dishes on it - but there's only one thing to be ordered: The Matina Mix Wrap.  This costs £4.10 and is about the size of a large thermos flask or a family-size game of jenga.  It consists of a crunchy-foldy freshly cooked kurdish naan bread filled with spiced lamb and chicken, chillis, red onions, a brief glance of leaves and a mysterious spice paste.

Importantly, Matina don't try to hide the meat in gardens of salad.  Consequently, you can fit the whole ensemble in your face end-on, savour the main event (the meat), and escape with unscathed clothing.  I'd even feel comfortable wearing a white shirt.

Enough on the wrap.  Clearly, Matina has let itself be sold by its reputation since there's a few issues to be resolved.  Man can only grill chicken and lamb so fast, and that's why the queue is so long between 12 and 1.  Fortunately, there's no need to stand in the queue - if you just sit down at the large communal table and catch Mr Matina's eye he'll take your order in no time.  It also seems to be acceptable to walk up to the kitchen door and give them your order.  I've sat there and consumed my forearm in less than one poor soul's queuing time. 

What's more, you get a chance to appreciate your surroundings - and there's a few things that might catch your eye.  First and foremost, there are a number of rotating three-pot sauce servers like you have for your poppadoms at Jubo Raj.  Most patrons on their first visit will assume these contain some chilli sauce, chutney or the like and have a peek.  They all contain white sugar.  If the pot nearest you runs out of white sugar, you can rotate it 120 degrees and use the next pot.  But I've never seen anyone use the sugar, not even the gentlemen next to us enjoying mint tea.

Secondly, there's a Costco of San Pellegrino under the table up for grabs.

Thirdly, there's an artwork (below) depicting an androgynous child and a horse that raises a number of questions to the hungry observer.




How is this kid right up there at eye level with the horse?  Is he standing on 15 yellow pages, or wearing stilts?  Is it a severed horse's head or is the horse a recovering amputee?  Maybe there's no gravity in this horse world, and the child's just floating in air with the horse - which would explain why the oversize Stetson doesn't fall over his/her eyes.

Who knows?  All I know is that it takes a strong man to put a picture of a horse up in an eatery this side of 2013.  

But kudos to the Matina Man.  I love your wraps, and I'll see you again.

Now for the official ratings:

Flavour: Smack-in-the-face meat and middle eastern spice;
Seating: Comfy cushion on communal bench.  Drinks cans for a foot rest;
Timekeeping: Easy when you know how;
Wallet: £4.10 - excellent value
Ambience: convivial and aromatic
3 o'clock food coma?  Above-average afternoon slump.  4 fizzy cola bottles did nothing to re-energize, double espresso brought me out if it

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